Overcome a Mental Breakdown

This week, I could say, is my worst week ever.

I have plenty of time, but I always ended up doing nothing.

I can just sit, thinking about random things and suddenly tears coming through my eyes.

I remembered feeling like this,

in my first semester in college.

When I got the worst grade in my life.

When I wrote down my diary with black marker, and cry during the writing process.

Maybe that's not the worst day of my life, I'm sure of that, because I was gone to the worse.

It was just, all my sadness and bad thoughts accumulate,

and create this explosive emotion that I can't control.

I am an introvert person who always hide my own feelings to people.

But I always have someone to share that feelings with.

I guess now I'm becoming too dependent.

And if that someone isn't there when I need him, I just have a breakdown.

And it has been a week.

A week filled with sadness and unnecessary bad thoughts.

A week without a day left to cry.

A week when I really hate myself and how weak I am.

Then I suddenly read my senior's blog who is just being saved from commiting a suicide.

I talked to my friend who just lost her Grandma, and very sad because she missed the opportunity to talk with her Grandma for the last time.

My close friend told me about how her ex-boyfriend will have a new girlfriend soon, with no more of 3 months from the time she was being dumped! (oh boys!)

And not to mention people from conflict areas, those who's struggling just to eat, or those who wants to have a long life but they can't.

Suddenly I realized that I'm not being thankful enough for my life.

I was oversensitive to little problems.

I spoiled my self, and keep thinking from a negative perspective.

I try to define happiness, and overreacted if I don't meet certain criterias.

Probably I forced things too much.

And think too much.

Then suddenly I read something in tumblr.

"Learn to make yourself happy"

Then I watch how I met your mother, and a sentence from the legend-wait for it-dary barney stinson slap my face:

"Don't think too much. Do."

and from blogs and articles I read that give stories about life, and the joy of being alive.

I'm enlightened.

Hell with negative thoughts and unsecurities.

Hell with my Athazagoraphobia.

As long as I can write, I can read, I can sing, I can sleep, I can eat.

I have to learn how to make myself happy.

And I'm working on it.

No more mental breakdown.

No more tears.

I try not to think.

I do.