What's next?

I pictured one of the ads on tv. A lovey-dovey couple is having a silly conversation when one of the mom come and asked: "when you'll get married?". The slide changes into the time they already married, and the mom come again and asked: "when will you have children?". It again shift to the time they were playing with their first children, and that annoying mom come again and asked: "when will you give a sister to him (refers to their son)?".

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The ad seems so normal in my environment. That annoying mom can be my mom, my dad, my aunties, my uncles, my grandma, my friends. Anyone. The question of "when you will do this after that?", is a paraphrase of "what will you do next?" or, the question we don't want to hear: "what's next?".

Life is a mystery. As a human we tend to dream. Some of us, like me, have a great one, but ironically lacking of capability to achieve it. But I always believe if I aim for the sky, eventhough I fall down, I will fall among the stars. And that motivate me to always dream big.

Now I'm focusing on my final thesis. I sacrificed a lot to finish it. My health, my friends, my happiness, my comfortness, I just want to finish it as soon as possible so I can do things which I don't have time to do it before. It seems like a perfect plan, I'm almost reaching the end of my journey, when the question come again:

"what's next?"

I have this fear that when I finish my bachelor thesis, I'm lacking of things to do. I can stand working 24/7, but I can't stand have nothing to do in even 1 day. I will be stressed by things I don't do, rather by the things I have to do. And I always hold my breath when people ask: "what's next?". Usually I answer that with optimism, like I want to fulfill my life with something meaningful, like I want to try new things, that I want to maintain contact with old friends. But in real, I really have nothing in my mind.

One of my bestfriend ask me why I'm so afraid of not doing anything in the future. He said that my campus is full of activities to try on and I am the one who can always find opportunities. Well, I'm not sure. Maybe being in a cave too long make me afraid to go out there and feel the life I had left. I talked with one of my seniors yesterday, and he also said the same statement: "you'll the person who always find what to do. You don't have to worry, you'll surprised by the amount of activities that you have to do after graduation (and before the job acceptance). The worry is normal for people in your stage, and what I reccommend you to do now is: just focus on your bachelor thesis".

Writing thoughts like this sometimes give me enlightement. And I can't ignored those text messages (in sunday morning, fo God's sake!) talking about bachelor thesis. Time to answer the text messages! Hell with the "what's next?" question, I haven't even finished my present task :p Have a great weekend everyone!