Bad Dreams

The image of you you crystalized in my memory. Flawless beauty, timeless charm, a living creature of perfection.

When I think of you, I remember our days together at Dreamland, Bali, our first holiday together. We laughed and cried like never before. We ran to catch the sunset, we jumped, we fell, and we hugged. It was so dazzling, it seemed like I can see butterflies around your big brown eyes, the same creature that flies in my stomach everytime I see your face. We had that romantic candlelight dinner in Jimbaran. Seeing your happy face, I even promised to myself that someday, I will build a place like this in our backyard, so I can see that smiling face every night before I go to sleep. In fact, I’ll do everything, I’m sure capable of, as long as you give me that mystifying smile.

Whenever I’m far from you, I like to close my eyes, so then I can feel your smile, your scent, your beautiful and soft voice, speak near my ears. There are always you, in every places I visit.

Well, those are just a few, from parts of you I remember very clearly. Or maybe, I choose to remember.

There is one thing I never tell you, neither everyone else. That I always have this bizarre bad dreams about you. The least theme of dream I expected. There, you always look the same: broken bones, bleeding nose, shocking eyes, and no movement. Dead. In my arms.

I hope that is just a dream. Maybe it because I worry so much about your absence. Maybe it is my deepest fear that just lying there in my inconciousness, and come up anytime.

But where are you? I clearly have no idea why you’re not with me anymore. I can’t even remember what brought me here. Everyone I know visit me regularly, but it means nothing for me, it isn’t you! Everytime I ask them about you, they seem like hiding something. They just pat my back, and said: “let her go”. How can they come up for such a sentence? I’ll never let you go. NEVER.

Where are you? I miss you. If there is a problem, we can talk. Please comeback. I’m begging you.