Things that don't kill you makes you stronger

It's an old story..

Started in my second year of college. People said that I'm going to study in a major with biggest assignments of all time. First I don't believe in it. I always thought that people who are getting behind their schedule, is people who can't manage the time very well. I guess everyone in every major will have the same time to do the assignments, and it's only the matter of when will you finish your homework?

Then I enter the jungle. Assignments which are coming everyday tiredlessly. Restless night with so many lectures to attend in the morning. Lab works. Organizational activities. Not to mention the extra time to do extra assignments in before and after lab works. There comes night with sleep deprivation, when coffee and hot tea is your bestfriend. And internet, especially facebook, is your biggest enemy because they can distract you from your work.

At first I can't believe how lazy was my senior to do their works, so they always be in a hurry in the morning, running to collect the assignments on time. I can't believe how can you printed your works in the morning at the day it's collected, when you have one week to do it. And I just won't accept the reason why people get overslept. They must be using their time really bad so they feel they just don't have enough time for their own sake. And other seniors said they didn't have time for themselves. And I just think that they're exaggerating things, and seeking pity for other people to tell them that "they've worked hard" or "cool..You're really a determined student".

And now I experienced it all..

I ran to collect my assignment. Thanks God, it's still 5 minutes before the deadline.

I printed my assignments in the morning. Sometimes 1 hour before it's due. The adrenaline rush feels good at these times.

I usually wake up 30 mins, or sometimes 15 mins before class start. I prefer to catch even half-hours of more sleep, because that means the world to me. And beside, how I can accomplish many things at the short time, make me proud of myself of each day.

People said that it is insomnia. I think it's just a bad thing to sleep early when you can. Well, I have tons of things I want to do, and early bed is the same with wasted my precious spare time. Internet is always an escape in a time like this. I usually google news, read random people's blog, just to connect with the outside world, when usually I live only in this turtle-shell.

I used to read newspaper at least half an hour every morning since in elementary school. These past 3 years, I skip those routines, and just read newspaper if I happen to pass "himpunan", and do skimming for about 10 minutes. Crap.

I lack of "me-time". I barely have a day to sit in my room all day and just read a book or daydreaming inside my blanket. Not even once a month. I wonder if I'm taking too much activities at the same time.

I met people easily, and lost contact even easier. People come and go and I'm bad at remembering names. And beside, how can you keep up with all of the people when you don't have time for herself?

And the thing I find most annoying is...

I'm not a positive person anymore...

I worried about things. I cursed things. I get dissapointed a lot. I think a lot about consequences before I take the challenges. I talk my thoughts out loud, and some people may not like it. I'm being sarcastics. I feel in my lowest point couple times a month, and no one knows. I feel insecure. I get angry easily. And I hate those "new me" I develop.

I know someday I will just laugh if I read this post again. Or maybe just think that at that time I'm having a bad time. Well I'm not having a bad time. I just printed my assignments this afternoon (and it's due tomorrow morning, what an accomplishment!), and just having a girls night out with my besties. I valued time like this, and in my happiest time, I just want to rethink about my life lately, and how I can learn from that.

I want to become a positive person again.

I started to comeback to things which used to passionate me. Like reading quotes. Like making up stories. Like seeing architectural pictures. Like collecting everything's green. Like drawing with doodles in YM. Like talking in British accent. Like listening to spanish-speaking people. Like joking with boys, and gossiping with girls. Like badminton and volleyball. Like throwing cheesy jokes. Like travelling. Like tasting new foods. Like talking to my besties or bf on the phone. Like doing serious and intellectual conversations with seniors or lecturers. Like shopping in a flea market. Like writing a short story. Like joining competitions. Like drinking hot latte in a cold day. Like listening to the drop of rain. Like daydreaming behind my blankets before I go to sleep.

I guess that was my old me that somehow buried in a land called "assignments". if Liz Gilbert has to go to Italy, India, and Indonesia, to find something that can make her feel "alive" again. I'm lucky to just have those things to make me feel alive again. My schedule is now full of tumblr-ing, searching for new places to eat, develop cheesy jokes, sports, writings, readings, searching new places to visit, and the best of all: trying to enjoy my life as it is. Hey, I still have to do my assignments! But don't worry, I've experienced enough to do it faster, and in my spare time (so it won't take the whole day). Welcome new (but old) me! Welcome world! Oh and I'm so excited for the Harry Potter Premiere+girls night out this Friday. Followed by volleyball competition on Sat and Sunday morning, and badminton in Sat night. Lab works will be fun because now I won't work with lab partners, I now called them as "family" because we spend almost the whole day each week together, just like my family. And, can't wait for the planned trip this december, mid january, and late january (well, will cost some money, but it'll worth my 2 years of savings though)!

Hey life, if you think you can hit me, try harder! :)

I believe that everything's gonna be alright!